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Jan
11
Acting Interested In Others
Filed Under Relationships, Social Skills | Leave a Comment
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. ~ Dale Carnegie
Acting interested in other people and what they have to say may or may not be a social skill in itself, but it is important step in a variety of other social skills. If you are truly listening to what someone has to say then you must convey this by acting interested.
Dale Carnegie lists as number one in his “Six steps to Make People Like You” that you must “Become genuinely interested in other people.” If you become more interested in people then you’ll naturally become a better listener. Carnegie also relates that you must also do the following:
2 Smile.
3 Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4 Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5 Talk in the terms of the other person’s interest.
6 Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
It becomes easier find out what someone is really passionate about and to dispel negative assumptions that can mess up the communication when you are truly interested in what another person has to say. By listening you may find many similarities between one another and also learn to appreciate the differences.
When you operate as a good listener you will be a positive and pleasant exception among the others who are only waiting for their turn to talk again.
Pay attention to others and you will make them feel good because of the attention, and validating them and their interests. That is how connections are made.
There is no such thing on earth as an uninteresting subject; the only thing that can exist is an uninterested person. ~ G. K. Chesterton (1874 – 1936)
Sep
25
Listening as a social skill
Filed Under Listening, Social Skills | Comments Off
This blog post begins the start of a new category that will overlap with other categories. That category is called social skills and is best described by the definition given at www.businessdictionary.com as the ability to communicate, persuade, and interact with other members of the society, without undue conflict or disharmony.
According to Henrik Edberg at http://www.positivityblog.com there are at a minimum at least eight basic tips on social skills that have been used successfully over and over throughout thousands of years.
One of the most basic social skills or component of social skills is to listen to another person or persons.
The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. ~ Ralph Nichols
Because people are often centered upon themselves and this being a part of human nature listening is probably one of the least appreciated social skills. Unfortunately most people are just used to talking about themselves or waiting for the other person to finish so they can start talking again. I have noticed that a majority of people, myself included, fall into this category.
Listening is about much more than hearing the words that come out of another person’s mouth. It is about showing interest in what the other person is saying and taking the time to understand what is being said. Rajesh Setty, who is a friend and business associate of mine, mentions that active listening is often overlooked for several reasons such as ego, lack of knowledge, not being able to handle silence, amongst other reasons. Because of this people focus on talking rather than listening.
Henrik states to get past this he has found that it is important to just forget about yourself and focus your attention outward during a conversation rather than inward. In other words place the mental focus on the person you are talking and listening to instead of on yourself. This makes you less self-centered and your need to be in the spotlight diminishes.
When you actually listen to what people are saying it also becomes easier to find potential paths in the conversation. By asking what are known as open-ended questions – those that will give you more than a yes or no answer, you can explore these paths and have more interesting conversations.
You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.— M. Scott Peck
