This blog post begins the start of a new category that will overlap with other categories. That category is called social skills and is best described by the definition given at www.businessdictionary.com as the ability to communicate, persuade, and interact with other members of the society, without undue conflict or disharmony.

According to Henrik Edberg at http://www.positivityblog.com there are at a minimum at least eight basic tips on social skills that have been used successfully over and over throughout thousands of years.

One of the most basic social skills or component of social skills is to listen to another person or persons.

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. ~ Ralph Nichols

Because people are often centered upon themselves and this being a part of human nature listening is probably one of the least appreciated social skills. Unfortunately most people are just used to talking about themselves or waiting for the other person to finish so they can start talking again. I have noticed that a majority of people, myself included, fall into this category.

Listening is about much more than hearing the words that come out of another person’s mouth. It is about showing interest in what the other person is saying and taking the time to understand what is being said. Rajesh Setty, who is a friend and business associate of mine, mentions that active listening is often overlooked for several reasons such as ego, lack of knowledge, not being able to handle silence, amongst other reasons. Because of this people focus on talking rather than listening.

Henrik states to get past this he has found that it is important to just forget about yourself and focus your attention outward during a conversation rather than inward. In other words place the mental focus on the person you are talking and listening to instead of on yourself. This makes you less self-centered and your need to be in the spotlight diminishes.

When you actually listen to what people are saying it also becomes easier to find potential paths in the conversation. By asking what are known as open-ended questions – those that will give you more than a yes or no answer, you can explore these paths and have more interesting conversations.

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.— M. Scott Peck

To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation -Chinese Proverb

The next to the last step within what Rajesh Setty describes as the outer game of distinguishing yourself is about listening. Unfortunately for several reasons such as ego, lack of knowledge, about asking questions, not being able to handle silence, and others, people focus on talking rather than listening.

There are several steps to developing better listening skills. These include but may not be limited to:

1: Listening to yourself first so that you encourage positive self talk.
2. Learn to ask the right questions, because our ability to talk less and listen more will depend upon two things. These two things are our wanting to listen, and our ability to ask the right questions.

It is improtant to listen without prejudice. Trust messages as if they were received from one of your mentors. Resist the temptation to reach conclusions instantly and to make statements based on such conclusions. Remember to keep an open mind as you will never know who will give you the next great idea.

A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with. – Kenneth A. Wells

Technorati Tags: rajesh setty, distinguishing yourself, listen, listening, asking the right questions