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Jul
12
Sub-title: “The Curse Of Work-a-holism and How To Overcome It”
This is from an article that I wrote several years ago and that I am now dividing into two parts. The first part is about the symptoms associated with people who are referred to as workaholics.
Excuse my digression from my regular writing of marketing articles and let me apply my psychology degree to a matter at hand that many people tend to forget. . That is that we were not meant to work all of our waking hours. Please excuse the length of the article, as there is much to be said about the subject matter.
Back in the late 1960’s the rock group The Byrds came out with a song called Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is A Season). It’s lyrics came at a time when the world was undergoing the turmoil of the Vietnam War and reminded people that what was going on at the time was just a part of the evolution of time passing by and that the war to would pass in its time. The lyrics of the song are based on the Bible Verse taken from Ecclesiastes 3:1-9: The words taken from the Bible in one translation are as follows:
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. 9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
Do any of the following situations remind you of yourself?
1 Lately, your job has taken up much of your time.
2 You’ve even started bringing work at home and you keep working until the wee hours of the morning.
3 You spend Saturdays and Sundays with your head bent on your work.
4 And you’re supposed to spend these days with your family, or friends, or for your relaxation!
5 No longer do you work in order to live, but you now live in order to work.
6 Work is now the center of your daily life, while the more important things have been relegated to the trunk of your car; or in the backseat, if things are still not that worse.
7 The only time you don’t think of work is during the three or four hours a day that you spend sleeping.
8 You devote 16 hours of your day each day to working furiously: making money, reaching goals, working on giving your families the best, planning and mobilizing yourself for success.
If you have a combination of more than three of these situations occurring in your life it is most likely that you’ve become a workaholic.
Yes, there is a time to work, but there must also be a balance. There must be a time to relax. What can cause another wise seemingly sane person to become a work-a-holic? It is like alcoholism a disease in many ways.
If someone’s home life is unhappy they might rather than spend time going to a bar after work hours instead spend time after regular work hours doing more than necessary just to avoid going home for the evening. They may take work home with them and seclude themselves from their spouse or other family members with the excuse that the work has to be finished. This can become a pattern, since it is a way of avoiding situations that are not easily dealt with by the “work-a-holic”. Money problems, can lead to a person becoming obsessed with working. Once it starts, the work-a-holic personality feels as if they must continue to work or things will not get finished. The work-a-holic likes to shoulder the weight of the world. But this can lead to stress.
It is different things to different people. To a mountaineer it is the challenge of pushing physical resources to the limit by striving to achieve a demanding goal. To the homeward bound motorist it can be the hassles of heavy traffic and obnoxious exhaust fumes. To the student it can be exam pressure.
Take a piece of paper and write the word stress at the top. Now write down all the words and images that come to your mind as you think about this word.
Most people respond to the word stress in negative ways. They see it as a destructive, debilitating force.
Negative stress is DISTRESS. It is the stress of losing, failing, overworking and not coping. Distress affects people in a negative often, harmful manner. We all experience distress from time to time. It is a normal, unavoidable part of living.
To often those who become the obsessed workaholic go on and on until they experience the defeat at the end of the road often known as BURNOUT
Too much stress leads to burnout, a condition called BURNOUT, which is characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion.
The main symptoms associated with burnout are:
Chronic fatigue.
Anger at those making demands on you.
Self-criticism for putting up with the demands.
Cynicism, negativism and irritability.
A sense of being besieged.
Hair-trigger display of emotions.
A combination of all of these symptoms indicates that stress of working more than you should is wearing you down and that it is now time to take strong stand to do something about it.
Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day is an expression used a lot as an excuse of not getting a project finished. “Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day”, has been used as an excuse by people who don’t complete their tasks. It has also used by those trying to console those who have not finished a task or are trying to hard to complete a project in a certain amount of time.
If you are of the Christian faith then you hopefully subscribe to the creation story of God creating the Universe and the earth in 6 days. In Genesis 2:1-3 it is written “1: Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. 2: And on the seventh day God finished his work which he had done. 3: So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all his work which he had done in creation.”
We are not as mighty as God and yet according to this Biblical text even God rested after working. Who are we to put ourselves above God and not take a break from our work? We don’t want to work ourselves into the condition of “burnout” so what can we do to overcome the obsessive-compulsive habits of workaholism?
Part 2 of this article will explore ways in which you can relax and enjoy life more. Although work is important there is much more to life than work.
Sep
25
Listening as a social skill
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This blog post begins the start of a new category that will overlap with other categories. That category is called social skills and is best described by the definition given at www.businessdictionary.com as the ability to communicate, persuade, and interact with other members of the society, without undue conflict or disharmony.
According to Henrik Edberg at http://www.positivityblog.com there are at a minimum at least eight basic tips on social skills that have been used successfully over and over throughout thousands of years.
One of the most basic social skills or component of social skills is to listen to another person or persons.
The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. ~ Ralph Nichols
Because people are often centered upon themselves and this being a part of human nature listening is probably one of the least appreciated social skills. Unfortunately most people are just used to talking about themselves or waiting for the other person to finish so they can start talking again. I have noticed that a majority of people, myself included, fall into this category.
Listening is about much more than hearing the words that come out of another person’s mouth. It is about showing interest in what the other person is saying and taking the time to understand what is being said. Rajesh Setty, who is a friend and business associate of mine, mentions that active listening is often overlooked for several reasons such as ego, lack of knowledge, not being able to handle silence, amongst other reasons. Because of this people focus on talking rather than listening.
Henrik states to get past this he has found that it is important to just forget about yourself and focus your attention outward during a conversation rather than inward. In other words place the mental focus on the person you are talking and listening to instead of on yourself. This makes you less self-centered and your need to be in the spotlight diminishes.
When you actually listen to what people are saying it also becomes easier to find potential paths in the conversation. By asking what are known as open-ended questions – those that will give you more than a yes or no answer, you can explore these paths and have more interesting conversations.
You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.— M. Scott Peck
Dec
18
Listening
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To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation -Chinese Proverb
The next to the last step within what Rajesh Setty describes as the outer game of distinguishing yourself is about listening. Unfortunately for several reasons such as ego, lack of knowledge, about asking questions, not being able to handle silence, and others, people focus on talking rather than listening.
There are several steps to developing better listening skills. These include but may not be limited to:
1: Listening to yourself first so that you encourage positive self talk.
2. Learn to ask the right questions, because our ability to talk less and listen more will depend upon two things. These two things are our wanting to listen, and our ability to ask the right questions.
It is improtant to listen without prejudice. Trust messages as if they were received from one of your mentors. Resist the temptation to reach conclusions instantly and to make statements based on such conclusions. Remember to keep an open mind as you will never know who will give you the next great idea.
A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with. – Kenneth A. Wells
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